Canthook

A pseudo-Christian group self-styled as "The Resistance", claiming to have 3,000 members is calling for the boycotting of Starbucks because they don't like the new logo. It seems the woman on the cup has hooters, and they say she has her legs spread like a prostitute.

Legs? On a mermaid? The group leader (is there really a group?), Mark Dice (formerly known as John Conner) says it's not really a mermaid, it's a siren. Do sirens have scaly legs?

In any case, Starbucks is basically just going back to their original logo.

Terry Heckler, one of Starbucks' founders, pored over old marine books until he came up with a logo based on an old sixteenth-century Norse woodcut: a two-tailed mermaid, or siren, encircled by the store’s original name, Starbucks Coffee, Tea, and Spice. That early siren, bare-breasted and Rubenesque, was supposed to be as seductive as coffee itself.

We might note here that Starbucks didn't originally serve beverages. They originally roasted coffee and sold dry coffee, tea, and spices, and didn't start selling liquid coffee until they had five stores.

Howard Schultz fought with the other two founders about this, and opened up an expresso shop in 1986, called Il Giornale. They had a green logo, compared to Starbucks's green logo. The Il Giornale name was inscribed in a green circle that surrounded a head of Mercury, the swift messenger god, because the emphasis was on speed.

In 1987 the other two sold Starbucks to Schultz, and he merged the two companies, using a green logo with a slicked-up, Bowdlerized mermaid. In 1992, they asked Terry Heckler to revise our logo. She stayed mostly the same but lost her navel.

Now that Schultz is back in charge, and Starbucks is fighting to regain recent market losses, the emphasis is on seductive coffee once again, and you have what "Mark Dice" is calling the "Slutbucks" logo.

Dice has made a fool of himself in the past by ridiculing Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, 50 Cent, Tom Cruise and Duke University. (He wants the Blue Devils sports team renamed to something less offensive to Christians. Duke, being a Methodist University, says that Methodists are Christians, and the Blue Devils were French soldiers of WWI, well known for their courage, daring, and flamboyant style.) His website reveals that Dice (or is it Conner?) is a conspiracy theorist to make all other conspiracy theorists blush.

We're not sure if John Conner needs more caffeine or less - but we're pretty sure that he needs to get laid, frequently and well. Most guys will agree that women will drive you crazy - but lack of women will drive you even crazier, even faster, and this guy shows all the symptoms....

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beverages - bowdlerized - boycott - christians - coffee - John Conner - Conspiracy Theory - Mark Dice - expresso - Il Giornale - Terry Heckler - hooters - Mercury - mermaid - The Resistance - Howard Schultz - siren - Starbucks - theorist