I don't drive down Rohrerstown Road very often. Mostly, it's because I'm not over that way very often.

Blondie hates Rohrerstown Road. The last time I drove along there, she complained that it was backed up, that it was always backed up.

Hmmm. But Blondie loves to drive through downtown, which is always backed up. At least, on Rohrerstown Road, you don't constantly have cars forced to switch lanes because of construction or by trucks parking in the middle of traffic to make deliveries.

Two Jerks And A Truck

This morning, as I was driving around, there was a truck loading a couple of furniture-type items, parked in traffic next to the Wachovia Bank at Manor and Hershey. There are two lanes there, but the left lane is left-turn only, and Wachovia has a bleeping parking lot, you jerks! I wanted to roll down the window and curse them out up and down for being such selfish arrogant bastards, but Blondie wouldn't have enjoyed that.

They say women have a civilizing effect on men. I think that's a nice way of saying that wives keep their husband's testicles in their possession, and only allow their husbands to have them on rare occasions.

It was hot today, and Blondie couldn't understand why I was wearing my jacket. "For the same reason you carry your handbag," I told her. She offered to buy me an European carry bag; I declined.

Aging And Droopy Drawers

When I was younger, I put everything in my pants pockets, but these days, my belly changes size quite a bit. My pants are snug when I put them on, but as I sit erect in the car or I walk about, but slimmer as time goes on. Consequently, I have a problem with my pants wanting to fall down as I finish a trip - and if i have anything in my pants pockets, it just makes the problem worse.

There's also the problem that there are no rear pockets on some of my pants, and I don't know what to do with my wallet. I also have a wife who picks up my pants, empties the pockets leaving the contents in random locations and washing the pants. Consequently, it makes it easy for me to keep track of my keys, wallet, coins (an old screw-cap pill bottle makes a convenient coin purse), and my camera. My phone spends most of its life on the charger, but if I have it elsewhere, it's easy to find - I just call it.

Back To Rohrerstown Road

But this whole narrative started out with driving down Rohrerstown Road. Every time I drive down the road, I see a fairly small sign, and I always spend the next five minutes wondering what were they thinking when they named their business.

It's Zigzags Hair Workshop. I mentioned it to Blondie, and she said she couldn't imagine what zigzag lines have to do with hair. Generally, she said, you're looking for a straight part, and either a straight or a feathered cut, but not a zigzag cut.

I wasn't thinking about zigzag shears. I was thinking about rolling papers. Rolling papers, Blondie says? I'd never heard of that. Blondie, it seems, had a misspent youth.

Not To Condemn Drugs

It's not that I have a hard-on about people using grass. As the late Bill Hicks put it, "You see, I think drugs have done some good things for us. I really do. And if you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor. Go home tonight. Take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs and burn them. 'Cause you know what, the musicians that made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years were rrreal fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high they let Ringo sing a few tunes."

But if an artist gets too creative, you don't have to hang the canvas. If a musician gets too creative, you don't have to listen to the music. If a writer gets too creative, you can always read something else.

But if someone gets too creative when they're cutting your hair, it takes forever for the hair to grow out. And those people are handling straight razors. I don't necessarily insist on a barber or stylist who's stone-cold sober, but by gosh, I don't want one that's advertising how stoned he is.

Other Bloggers On Related Topics:
Bill Hicks - blocked traffic - branding - drug use - hair salon - pockets - Ringo Starr - Rohrerstown Road - testicles - Wachovia - zigzag rolling papers