I like writing rave reviews.

No, let's change that. I love writing rave reviews. It's not much fun to say, "The world's going to Helena, Montana, riding in a coach made from a giant handbasket, and here's yet another example." Even though, these days, that seems to be happening. It's more fun to share great finds with friends.

Two Pairs of Spectacles for $69?

The ad for America's Best sounds a bit preposterous. Not only do you get two sets of eyeglasses for $69, frames, lenses, and all, but you even get a free eye exam. That's as absurd as getting a prescription filled for $4, right?

So you get there, and the eyeglasses look like something Buddy Holly would be wearing, or Dame Edna, or Janis Joplin (uh, kids, Janis was a singer in the 1960s, long before your grandparents were born) before she got contacts, right?

But, it turns out, that's not to be the case. They're actually fairly stylish glasses. And instead of plexiglas that's thick as the bottom of a Coke bottle (uh, kids, Coca-cola used to come in glass bottles, and the bottoms were really thick) and soft as a Hershey bar left in the sun, they're fairly thin and fairly durable. They even have frames to fit extra-wide faces.

The Secret

The secret, it seems, is that the frames are discontinued models. The company is the world's largest buyer of closeout lens frames.

I lost my glasses on Saturday. Couldn't find them on Saturday morning, and still couldn't find them Sunday evening, so I went looking at their website. You can make an appointment with the optometrist for your eye exam even when the store is closed. Boy, I wish other professionals had the courtesy of making that possible.

I arrived, got right in, had a thorough eye exam, then went out to choose my frames. As soon as I found the two I wanted, I was immediately attended to by someone who appeared to be competent, who completed all the necessary arrangements in under five minutes. I was offered options, but when I said no, they didn't try to twist my arm. That, if anything, was the biggest surprise.

The Fitting

Delivery takes about a week - and when they got back, I got a phone call from their computer telling me my order was ready for pickup. The person who fitted my glasses was competent, courteous, and efficient. I was in and out in about fifteen minutes, tops.

Unfortunately, there was a problem with the glasses. The right lens on each frame kept falling out. I popped it back in, and tried to tighten the screw, but it wouldn't tighten very much at all. After about five days, I ended up losing the right lens on one pair. Ouch. And that was the pair I preferred most. I wore the pair that Blondie preferred, until I lost the right lens on that pair Saturday morning. I know right where I lost the lens, but I got on my hands and knees and hunted for 30 minutes, and couldn't find it.

Replacing Two Lenses

I wore other glasses through breakfast, and then I tossed the two frames in my pocket. I thought I'd see how much it would cost to buy a replacement lens for each of the two pair. I was prepared to be told that it would be $69 for two pair, that they didn't sell individual lenses. Once more, I was surprised by the store's policies. Even though I hadn't bought the optional insurance, the store manager, Lillie, said that she'd send the glasses back to the lab for a remake at no charge.

Just as a check, I asked her about the company she worked for. Wonderful, she said. She had worked for two other optical outlets in the past, had been running this store for three or four years, and thought the company was fantastic to work for. I explained Harl's Law to her - that companies tend to treat their employees about as well as they treat their customes - and she said that customers must get treated like royalty at her store, and employees must be treated pretty rotten at some of the stores she tries to do business with.

Price-wary

I told her I'd been skeptical, because of the price. My first pair of glasses, I related, had cost something like $300. When I went to replace them several years later, an uncle told me that he always got industrial safety lenses in his glasses. They were heavier, he said, but you quickly get used to the extra weight. Meanwhile, you end up with sturdier frames, and substantially lower prices. I found that they weren't quite as stylish as "civilian" glasses, but paying $80 for glasses instead of $300 was just fine with me! Later on, plastic lenses were developed for eyeglasses, and it became almost impossible to get shatterproof glass lenses, so I started wearing polycarbonate lenses - thinner and more durable than regular plastic - and the price was down to about $200.

Sturdy has always been important to me. I admit that it's been a while since I've seen someone wearing a pair of glasses that was taped together, because the frames were broken, but I didn't want to ever look like such a geek as that, even though I wore a pocket protector. And when I had glasses break, and had to mend them with adhesive tape until I could gin up the money for another pair, I especially didn't want to be stuck with unsturdy glasses.

Tied In A Knot

Is it my Mad Cow's Disease, or didn't there used to be a brand of glasses that had an ad where they were tied in a knot, and then untied, and they went back into shape? All I can say is that both pair of these glasses seemed to be very flexible, yet strong. Too much flexibility, of course, is not a good thing, because your lens would tend to pop out, right? Except that I don't think that was the problem.

There's a band of metal that surrounds the lens, and it tightens around the lens with a screw. On both of these pair of cheaters, the screw was tightened down firmly on the left lens - but on the right lens, the screw wouldn't tighten down enough to close the gap. I don't know if it's a problem with the lens, or a problem with the frames. In either case, I expect that the lab will resolve the problem before I get my glasses back.

Business Is Booming

With the bad economy, I said, I imagine that your business is doing better than average. Lillie agreed, and said business was up markedly from a year ago. Lowball prices are always going to appeal to some people, and scare away others, but when times are bad, those that are on the borderline would tend to move from the "scare" group (where I had been) to the "appeal" group.

I call myself a cheapskate, but my wife says I'm more frugal than cheapskate. I don't want to waste any money, and for that reason, I tend to avoid deals that look impossibly good. We were watching television earlier today, and an ad came on, telling people that they could get paid for taking surveys. She asked me about it, and I said "no way", that I'd been bitten too many times before, that they always insist on your email address before they deliver the gotcha, and then they bombard you with spam.

She agreed, saying that college sites collect information on you, and telephone you, and after they determine that you're not interested, if you ever return to their site, they automatically phone you within 48 hours of your visit. She really objects to getting those phone calls.

I didn't tell her, but I object to her getting those phone calls, too - and when I tell the salesman that she's not interested in attending their institution in the next year or two, they get awfully upset that I don't let them talk to her. But Lillie is OK.

They're in the shopping center at Lititz Pike and US 30, near the Susquehanna Bank branch. Stop in and see Lillie if you need glasses - and tell her people do read blogs.

Other Bloggers On Related Topics:
America's Best - Buddy Holly - Dame Edna - eyeglasses - Janis Joplin - Lititz Pike - two pair