For a war against fewer than a hundred Al Queda fighters, it seemed absurd that it had lasted longer than any other war in American history. And it had to be a Republican governor, not a federal politician to figure out how to end the war. A Republican could get the support of Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton on the basis of the idea itself, but no Democrat could expect to get Republican buy-in for such a radical idea.

It had to be an old Republican, from a small state. Candidates need to be from fairly large states in order to win the presidency. It electoral votes from his own state go a long way to putting him over the top. And being too old and from too small a state means other politicians trust him not to use this as a springboard to run for president.

He Was Really A Businessman

It was a man who spent his life in business, and entered politics late in life because he wanted to make a difference. A career politician would be too conventional in his thinking. A businessman might know the right people to pull it off.

He started off by approaching Donald Trump. You've got the Trump Shuttle, he pointed out, and conventional airlines lose money. What you need is an airline that specializes in excursions, an airline of "party airships". He played up to Donald Trump's ego, telling him that he could out-do Richard Branson's Virgin Airways.

You buy long distance aircraft that's on the bargain rack, he suggests, because the maintenance costs are too high, but because these are excursion craft, rather than day-in, day-out workhorses, maintenance is going to be more about the appointments, rather than the engines. A light goes on in Trump's eyes. It's the perfect airline to go well with Trump's casino business, an airline for gambling "whales".

And It Took Perfect Promotion

And you need the perfect promotion to kick off this new business. Start with one airplane, call it the Peace Train, use it to end the Million Year War in Afghanistan with the assistance of Cat Stevens.

"Cat Stevens?" Trump asks? Yes, the politician says. He calls himself Joseph Islam or something like that now. He's been fighting for peace ever since 9/11, and the Department of HOmeland Security has been fighting him, so he has credibility in his own Islam world.

And from there, things started to steamroll. There are fewer than a hundred Al Queda in Afghanistan. Bring them to Orlando for a vacation at Disney World. The US government can guarantee that they won't be prosecuted, and won't be imprisoned, but they need some sort of bodyguards to keep them safe from the American public.

The Swiss, Of Course, Known For Chocolate And Neutrality

For that, we hire the same Swiss militia that guards the Vatican, and we get guarantees from the Vatican as well as the White House. Nobody will dare double-cross them if they have guarantees from both.

Once they got buy-in from the Democratic and Republican leadership, from Disney and Cat Stevens and Trump, from the Vatican and from Switzerland, there was a lot of support for the idea. We can't fight hate with hate; let's give them a reason to love America instead of hate it. It was an idea that resonated with the Republican base, and with the Democrats as well - and commercial endorsements started coming in, as if it were the Olympics.

Three different paint companies wanted to paint the Peace Train flagship. and Tropicana wanted to offer free orange juice. Everybody from Tiffany to Armani wanted to upholster the 125 seats in the liner that formerly carried 550 passengers, and provide decorative lamp fixtures. Forty-three Designers competed to provide designs for the plane, all of them working for free. British Petroleum, wanting to burnish their image, agreed to furnish half the fuel for the Peace Train inaugural flight.

Staffing The Plane

Al Queda was still apprehensive. Trump suggested that they furnish their cabin attendants. There would be only one person in the cabin, no co-pilot, no navigator, and he would be allowed only a 22 revolver, more symbolic than anything else; you can't do too much damage with a few rounds of .22 shorts. The Swiss Guard would meet the plane upon their arrival in Florida.

There was a lot of competition for the honor of flying the Peace Train. Trump finally announced that the winner was a man who, although physically sound, had months to live with terminal cancer. His wife had rescued people from the WTC towers before they fell, and died shortly thereafter of emphysema. She was committed to peace, he said, and he wanted to fly the Peace Train as a memorial to his wife.

The plane boarded at Bagram Air Force Base. The commander was very nervous. He had disarmed his men so that no cowboy could start shooting and screw everything up, but that left the base vulnerable, very vulnerable, and he feared what would happen if Al Queda attacked. The Al Queda leadership, for their part, didn't have much trust, either. They weren't sure they wanted peace. They were in the same position as the March of Dimes management, whose charity became obsolete when polio was wiped out.

Despite Fear and Trepidation

Never the less, the Al Queda of Afghanistan boarded the plane. There was no alcohol aboard the plane, of course. Jim Beam had been awarded a deal for later flights, but for this one, it was strictly Dunkin Donuts coffee. The flight went well, and the plane stopped for refueling at the Canary Islands.

Everybody was relaxed and cheerful when the plane took off again, and it came as a surprise when, halfway across the Atlantic, the pilot announced that everyone should belt in, and put their heads between their knees. Was there some sort of mechanical failure with the plane?

No, the captain said. It's just that BP furnished half the fuel they needed, and nobody had stepped forward with the other half. It seemed unwise, he said, to use up all the fuel on the trip to Orlando, and have no way to return to Arghanistan. They ditched in the ocean, and the Peace Train sank, peacefully, shortly thereafter.